Living consciously, in this moment, rather than on “auto pilot”

What does it mean to be mindful? What is being “in the moment”?

Try this: Take a moment to sit still and tune into your breathing. Pay attention to your breathing where it is most vivid for you (the air going into the nostrils, the chest expanding and contracting, the movements of the belly). Rather than think about the breath, simply be with it—the body breathes on its own; you don’t have to do anything. Just notice it and keep your attention there.

You probably noticed that after a few breaths the mind began to think. Perhaps the mind started judging the process, your efforts, or the experience. Often the mind will move away from the stillness and go into its habit of thinking of what’s next (future), or reviewing/analyzing something that’s already happened (past). Most of us who have not practiced focusing our awareness find that the mind is all over the place when we try something as simple as being with our breath. The point is our minds are often not here in this moment but in the future or the past and this produces discontent/stress/suffering that is unnecessary and optional.

This moment is all there is.

There is pain and loss in life: birth and death happen. Mindfulness practice, paying attention to the moment on purpose without judgment, shows us that we can cut down on the optional suffering in life. It’s up to us; it’s up to how we live in our present moments. Thoughts are simply mental events. They are not necessarily true. Each one does not deserve equal attention. Indeed, the majority of our mental events consist of some combination of speculations; repetitive fearful ideas; judgments and evaluations of what is; fantasies; and self-criticism. There is freedom in knowing you have a choice about letting thoughts go “un-thought out.” We don’t need to take our thoughts so personally. “How can I think that?” “A good mother wouldn’t think that about her child.” These judgmental thoughts are the product of our conditioning (e.g., cultural, familial, temperamental). We have a choice about which ones to pay attention to, which ones to give of our energy.

Cultivating this awareness of the mind can make an extraordinary difference to our mothering. We can remind ourselves again and again that we have limited information about the future, and the past is gone. Our mindfulness practice can give us a sense of calm and peace in the midst of the mind’s incessant chatter. We can be with our powerlessness over the past and future with more ease. We can release ourselves from taking the mind’s speculations so seriously.

We are free to let the thoughts be, letting them go un-thought-out. While this is a simple concept, it is not easy. It takes work, and it is made easier by an attitude of gentleness and patience. Regular practice, in a formal way, supports our ability to be more mindful in our everyday lives.